Verses
marked with a “ * “ can be found at the end of the blog.
Intro
God’s
first command to humans occurs in Genesis 1:28 – “Be fruitful and multiply.”
Sex is one of the most blessed gifts that God has given to us, yet it has been
grotesquely twisted in so many ways. Why? One of the biggest reasons is that no
one talks about it. We put a 10 year old in a car and say, “Go!” with no
further instruction and are surprised when the kid hurts himself and others. As
a result of our society’s instructional lapse people are left to figure out how
to handle their sexuality on their own and of course, given how broken we are,
it often gets completely distorted. I wrote this blog because I used to be a
slave to pornography, one of the most potent distortions of sex that exists,
and I want to elevate the name of God through the redemption he has brought me
and encourage all my brothers and sisters in Christ by sharing what God has
taught me through this about man’s struggle with pornography and also how that
applies to our battle against sin in general.
Struggling
vs. Practicing Defined
I
had my first exposure to pornography in 4th grade and for the
next six years Ipracticed the sin. Jesus saved me at the end of my
sophomore year of high school and for the next three years this sin was
something I struggled with. Before getting saved I would sin
and if I cared at all it was only because I knew it would upset the people that
cared about me. After getting saved I would sin and, because I now had a
relationship with God, my sin would grieve me. I’d want to repent and turn back
to my Father (godly grief leads to repentance – 2 Corinthians 7:10). It was a
struggle.
This
begs the question, “Can I be a Christian and practice the sin of pornography
(or any other sin, for that matter)?” No. You cannot. 1 John 3:9 says, ““No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for
God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has
been born of God.” Can you commit the sin frequently and struggle
with it deeply? YES. YES. YES. You will sin
if you are following Jesus (1 John 1:8-10*), but if you have the Holy Spirit
dwelling inside of you (all Christians do – John 14:16-17*) you will feel
conviction about your sin and desire to repent and return to God. If you claim
to be a Christian but practice sin unrepentantly, I beg you to ask if you’ve
truly been saved.
For the three years that I struggled with the sin I struggled
hard. At times I tried to leave but I always found myself back in front of the
computer screen, giving me the feeling that this would be something that I
would wrestle with for the rest of my life. But right before my sophomore year
of college started, that all changed (more detail on this later in the blog). I
boast in the grace and power of Jesus that it has been over two and a half
years since I last indulged in the sin of pornography.
The Foundation: Know Christ
Before we go any further, I want to say this. If you are not
a Christian, this post will be of no use to you. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that
if “anyone is in Christ he is a new creation. The old has passed away, behold,
the new has come.” If you don’t know Christ you are a slave to sin (John
8:34*). No human effort can break these chains. I implore you to consider the
truth of the good news of Jesus Christ.
You are a broken sinner, deserving of eternal separation from
God because of your sin because he is holy. God became a man by sending his
only Son in the flesh to live a perfect life and die on the cross to take the
penalty for your sins. He died the death that you deserved! But it doesn’t end
there – then he rose from the grave signifying that he had defeated death, and
now those who believe in him and accept his death as payment for their sins
have victory over death (eternal life in heaven) and will be adopted into his
family and be able to serve him here on earth.
If you’re reading this and realized that you’ve never
believed this but want to, please tell me or someone else you know who is
following Jesus. We would love to talk to you about it. Through Christ is there
freedom from sin and I want you to know him. If you have believed this, praise
God! I hope this post will bless you and encourage you in your walk with Jesus.
-------
For the rest of this post I want to break down biblically and
experientially three things that I have learned that are absolutely necessary
for you to have any hope at finding freedom from any sin that so greatly
entangles you.
**Disclaimer - To be a Christian is to have a relationship
with God. Please don’t look at this as a religious formula to take away the sin
in your life. My desire is that these steps will guide you into deeper intimacy
with him and help equip you in your walk.
Step One
The first thing is understanding and holding on to the
implications that Jesus’ sinless life, death, and his resurrection have in
regards to the warfare we engage in daily as Christians against
sin.
Hebrews 4:15-16
15 For
we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our
weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we
are, yet without sin. 16 Let
us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive
mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Romans 6:5-7
5 For if
we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be
united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 We
know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the
body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved
to sin. 7 For one who has died has been set free from
sin.
These two passages, the former communicating the implications
of Jesus’ sinless life and the latter doing likewise for his death and
resurrection, give us strong theological grounds to have hope for victory in
our battle against sin.
The passage from Hebrews 4 shows us that Jesus was indeed
tempted greatly while on earth. Even the night before he was crucified he faced
the temptation to not lay his life down for the sins of the world (see Matthew
26:36-46), but out of submission to the will of the Father he did so. Praise
God. Some paint the picture that Jesus walked around with a holy bubble that
sin couldn’t penetrate, which is false. Jesus wasn’t sinless because he was our
Savior; he was our Savior because he was sinless.
The Romans 6 passage shows us that if Jesus wasn’t killed and
then raised from the dead physically, then our “old self” can’t be killed and
we can’t be raised spiritually to “walk in newness of life” (Romans 6:4).
Christianity is not a religion of moral improvement so our ultimate hope is not
that by following Jesus we would just sin less frequently but that as we walk
with him he cleanses us from all our sins (1 John 1:7*). He has broken your
chains and enabled you to walk out of your jail cell and be free (Galatians
5:1*). You must understand this.
Step Two
The second is that you must find your joy in Christ and
Christ alone.
God makes this truth evident to us in his word in Psalm 51,
which David wrote after he committed adultery with Bathsheba (please read Psalm
51 here - http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2051&version=ESV). How many times does David mention sexual sin? Zero. Why?
Because David understood a fundamental truth that you too must grasp – adultery
isn’t the problem, it’s a symptom of it. The problem is the fact that we choose
to find joy in ourselves and in our desires before God. In one of the most
monumental verses in the Bible (vs. 12) David pleads, “Restore to me the joy of
your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” He essentially says,
“Allow me to experience the joy of knowing you and give me the ability and the
will to serve you, because that’s the problem I have. My committing adultery
with Bathsheba was a result of the fact that I don’t find my joy in you. If I
had not tried to find my joy in her I simply would’ve found it in someone or
something else not named ‘I AM.’” The key to leaving your sin is to desire God
and find your joy in him above all else. There’s an
old quote that says, “How do you dislodge something from the heart that the
heart finds so beautiful? You replace it with something more beautiful.”
Step
Three
The third necessity is that you make war against your sin. I
list this last for a reason: you can commit all your energy to abstaining from
sin but if you don’t believe that God is able and aren’t striving to find your
joy in him alone, it is all for naught.
I said earlier that my deep struggle with pornography changed
right before my sophomore year of college. To be more specific, it was at a
retreat I went on at the beginning of August 2011. I was talking with a friend
and asked him what God had been teaching him lately. He told me, “God doesn’t
care about our earthy accomplishments here. He doesn’t care how much money we
make or what kind of car we have. He cares about our relationship with him and
how that relationship manifests itself in our relationship with others.” This
broke me.
See, if ever there was a sin that ran more rampant through my
life than pornography addiction it was video game addiction. I have spent
countless hours laboring away on my Xbox, trying to find fulfillment and joy in
something created. What God said to me through this was, “Jack, I don’t care
what level you are in Call of Duty. I don’t care how good you are at FIFA. When
you see me on judgment day that will not be the question I ask you. I will ask,
‘1) What did you do with the gifts I gave you and 2) how did you treat the
people I put in your life?’ (see Matthew 25:14-30 and Matthew 25:31-46,
respectively). I realized that I wanted to be able to tell him, “I strived to
live my life for your glory by your grace. I made my utmost goal to glorify you
and to love the people around me well.” And then I would hear from my Creator,
“Well done, good and faithful servant (Matthew 25:23).” I came home from the
retreat and sold all my video games, signifying that from that day on I wanted
to put God first in my life - that I wanted to find my joy in him and him
alone. It should come as no surprise that soon after making that decision my
desire to look at porn began fading away.
Do you understand what I’m getting at here? The problem in my
life was not porn. It was not even video games. For you, the problem isn’t your
abuse of alcohol. The problem isn’t your love of money. The problem isn’t your
desire for the praise of man. The problem is sin, the same problem that David
had. Our fallen nature as humans leads us to naturally desire that which God
hates not only more than what God loves, but also more than God himself. To
get to the point where you desire God more than sin or to maintain that desire
if you’re already there will require all out war that is fueled by the power of
the Holy Spirit through repentant faith in Jesus Christ.
Making War in Scripture
While
I have shared with you how making war with my sin has pruned me well, I also
want to encourage you with some Scripture that speaks of the importance of this
fight. Some peoples’ solution to sin is to pray for deliverance from the sin
but then go on doing whatever they want throughout the day and think that they
will just magically start hating their sin. I want to show you exactly how
Scripture contradicts this mindset. Praying is absolutely necessary (as I will
speak of later), but you must, by the grace of God, labor if you desire to see
any real change in your life.
---
First
set of verses: There is a war
Romans
7:22-23 – 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner
being, 23 but I see in my members another law
waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin
that dwells in my members.
James
4:1 - What causes quarrels and what causes
fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war
within you?
Revelation 12:17
Then the dragon became furious with the woman and went
off to make war on the rest of her offspring, on those who keep
the commandments of God and hold to the testimony of Jesus.
---
Second
set of verses: We must fight in the war
Romans
6:12-14 – 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body,
to make you obey its passions. 13 Do not present
your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves
to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to
God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For sin will
have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
1 Timothy 6:12 - Fight the good fight of the faith.
Galatians 5:1 - For freedom Christ has set us
free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke
of slavery.
Romans
8:13 - For if you live according to the flesh you will die,
but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will
live.
The Christian life was never meant to be a passive one. Do
not present your members to sin. Fight the good fight. Stand firm. Put to death
the deeds of the body. Make war.
---
Making War in Practice
Now
that I have shown you the fruit of one strategic move that I made in battle and
presented scriptures that support why making war is necessary biblically, I
want to expound on what this looks like practically on a day-to-day basis. When
I speak of making war I mean actively doing things that will stir your
affections for God and dwindle your affections for sin and eliminating
activities that dwindle your affections for God and stir your affections for
sin. Only by making war will you be able to maintain a greater desire for God
than for sin. I see this incredibly clearly in my own story. I stepped on the
battlefield the day I sold my Xbox. That was the day I said, “I’m ready to
fight”, but that was merely the start. Because I had such a deep-seated love for
gaming, the step that I took was very powerful. However, had I decided that one
strategic advancement to be enough I would not be writing this blog. Shortly
after, I tasted freedom from those desires but that freedom would have been
temporary had I not began making war daily.
Here
are five explicit ways I made/make war on a regular basis.
1)
Praying daily
Prayer
is how we speak to the Creator and its importance cannot be understated!
Developing a prayer life is crucial to deepening intimacy with God. I wake up
in the morning and before I talk to anyone, check my phone, etc., I spend time
talking to God. I praise him for who he is, thank him for his blessings,
confess my sins to him and ask for forgiveness, intercede on behalf of others,
and pray for my heart and other areas of my life.
2)
Reading the Bible daily
Oh,
that those who claim to follow Jesus would give a hoot about his revelation of
himself! Why don’t you obey him? Because you don’t love him (John 14:15*). Why
don’t you love him? Because you know so little about him. The Almighty and
Living God has revealed himself to man through the Bible yet his words sit on
our bedside table and gather dust while we grow in conformity to the rest of
the world. Making a daily practice of reading the Bible is absolutely crucial
for anyone who wants to remain set apart from the world for the glory of God.
Whenever
a brother confesses to me that he has sinned by looking at pornography
recently, the first question I ask him is, “Have you been spending much time
reading, studying, and meditating on the Word?” The vast majority of the time
the answer is no. Perhaps they were in a good habit, but as their time spent
with the Lord began to decrease, their desire for sin began to increase. The
quote, “This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book,”
comes to mind (referring to the Bible).
3) Intentionally
memorizing scripture
I
could write an entire blog post on this section alone. Chuck Swindoll wrote, “I
know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding,
practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture. . . No other single exercise
pays greater spiritual dividends! Your prayer life will be strengthened. Your
witnessing will be sharper and much more effective. Your attitudes and outlook
will begin to change. Your mind will become alert and observant. Your
confidence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified.”
In
this video, John Piper gives six reasons why we should memorize scripture. It’s
incredibly powerful and only four minutes long so go check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww5Ko3byaKQ
In my personal life, I make habit of memorizing scripture
regularly. I set goals every week. Some weeks it's a few random verses. Some
weeks I’ll memorize sections of scripture (2 Corinthians 5:17-21*, for example,
is one of my favorite “sections” that I’ve memorized). Sometimes I’ll block off
a certain time period and strive to memorize entire chapters, or even a book
(did 1 John this past summer!). I say this to be an encouragement to you all,
not to glorify myself. This discipline has been of great profit to my walk with
Jesus and my desire is to see you grow as well.
Another
practical example of how this discipline along with the discipline of prayer
have benefitted me is that I was struggling heavily with spiritual pride last
semester and so I started to pray regularly against this and asked for prayer
from many people. I also memorized 1 Corinthians 1:26-31* and began reciting
that in my head to help keep me humble, and it has worked! Had I passively just
hoped for healing in this area, I’d surely still be wrestling deeply with it.
If
you are battling porn, memorization of this verse will behoove you greatly:
1
Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to
man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your
ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that
you may be able to endure it.
4) Have
accountability
I
want to correct a flaw about many people’s understanding of accountability,
which is that you need to have someone who calls you on the regular simply to
ask you, “When was the last time you looked at porn?”
Don’t
picture a purple elephant in your head.
Did
you just picture a purple elephant? Probably. When you are always dwelling so
much on not looking at porn, those lustful thoughts will likely stay present in
your head. Now, I am not saying that they should not ask you this question at
all, but here is what the questions should look like: “Have you been seeking
joy in the Lord regularly? What has that looked like? Are you reading your
Bible daily? What have you been reading? What has God been teaching you through
this?” Find someone of the same gender who
will encourage you in your faith, not just discourage you away from
sin.
The
second part of this accountability is that you need people praying for you. 1
John 5:16 reads, “If anyone sees his brother
committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will
give him life.” Get others to pray for you in your battle against sin.
It will prove to be instrumental in your deliverance.
5) Pursuing
holiness and separation from the world
Or,
as I phrased it earlier, “eliminating activities that dwindle your affections
for God.” Observe your life. Do you listen to the music, watch the TV shows,
and converse about the things that God hates? Since I decided to take care to
what I expose myself to I have seen my love for God and the things of God grow
exponentially. Why? Because I don’t have messages glorifying the distortion of
sex, the abuse of alcohol, and the idolization of money running through my head
(nearly as frequently) throughout the day. What the world deems good, God often
hates.
1
John 2:15-17
15 Do
not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world,
the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all
that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes
and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the
world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God
abides forever.
It
is my desire that you are encouraged by these five practical applications and
adapt these into your own life, in hope that you too will be able to understand
the pleasure of knowing God in a way that you haven’t before.
---
A
wise man once told me, “One swipe at the root is worth 1,000 at the branches.”
These five facets of making war are all focused on the root, but there still is
something to be said about making war at the branches level.
In
regards to porn:
In
Matthew 5 when Jesus is talking about lust he says, “If your right eye causes
you to sin, tear it out and throw it away… If your right hand causes you to
sin, cut it off and throw it away.” If he were to address us now about lust I
have a feeling he’d say, “If your phone causes you to sin, disable the
Internet!” or something to that end. Accountability software will be of great
help to eliminate the greatest avenues for access (your phone and computer).
I’d recommend Covenant Eyes (covenanteyes.com) or X3watch (x3watch.com).
In
regards to other sin:
If
you struggle with video game addiction, get rid of them (as I spoke of
earlier).
If
you struggle with alcoholism, don’t drink alcohol. At all.
If
you struggle with love of money, maybe you need to give more away for the sake
of the Kingdom.
I
could go on and on, but the idea is this: do your best to eliminate the
opportunity for sin. That’s making war at the branches level. I relate this to
swiping at the branches because if your resolve to sin is strong enough, you
can find porn (or alcohol, etc.). It is a heart issue. I will buy someone a
Bible before I’d ever buy them web blockers.
Why
Does it Matter?
Much
of this blog has been focused on how to defeat pornography, but I recognize
that many of you may not see why this is important. I’ll tell you why this is
not just important as a follower of Christ, but absolutely necessary if you
want to be effective in your ministry.
God
created sex to be the most intimate interaction between humans, and when used
in the right context it is beautiful. In the same vein, how potent is the ruin
that comes with the misuse of sex! Pornography will distort your perception of
beauty and your view of what sex is meant to be like, bring innumerable
problems to any romantic relationship that you try to have with someone, and
will surely hinder your ability to experience any depth of intimacy with God
(Isaiah 59:2*). It follows that your ministry will be affected because with a
lack of spiritual intimacy with God comes a lack of spiritual effectiveness in
ministry (it’s hard to tell people about the power of Jesus when you yourself
are living in rejection to his power).
I
beg you to consider the ramifications of this sin and let them not discourage
you because of your past failures, but encourage you towards holiness in the
future.
Believe
Some
of you are reading this and love the idea of being free from the weight of your
sin but you have absolutely no hope. You have believed the lie that your sin
(pornography, alcoholism, depression, anger, or love of money, to name a few
possibilities) will be with you for the rest of your life. You are utterly
convinced. I am writing this as a man who was addicted to pornography for nine
years and thought exactly what you’re thinking. I was sure that I was going to
bring it into my marriage. But God delivered me two and a half years ago.
Hallelujah. I’m praying for your chains to be broken tonight by the power of
God. Believe his promise in 1 John 1:7 – “But if
we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one
another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
The tomb is empty. He conquered sin and death and now reigns
on the throne of grace. That victory is yours if you believe.
Final Note of Encouragement
Everything I have exhorted you to do in this blog is directly
contrary to the flesh. That’s not a coincidence; there is nothing easy about
pursuing intimacy with God. In fact, it would be impossible to run the race
with endurance if not for the help of his Holy Spirit. God dwells inside of
you, if you’re a believer, and he wants intimacy with you far more than you
want it with him. These two truths should be of great comfort to you.
Lastly, know that whatever it costs you to fight in this war,
the reward is far greater. Jesus is worthy.
-------
Pray
with me.
Abba,
Father,
I
love you, but I also love my sin. My passions are at war within me. I want to
know you and serve you most of the time but too often I believe the false
promises that sin offers me, and I forsake you. I can’t do this on my own. I
need your help. I need look no further than the cross to know that you are for
me. Do a work in me that only you can do. Give me grace to fight the good
fight. Please. I pray this in faith and expectation, and in the name of your
Son, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
-------
Verses
referenced:
1 John 1:8-10
8 If
we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in
us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to
forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If
we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in
us.
John 14:16-17
16 And
I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be
with you forever, 17 even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot
receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells
with you and will be in you.
John 8:34
Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin
is a slave to sin.
1 John 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light,
we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son
cleanses us from all sin.”
Galatians
5:1
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm
therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
1
Corinthians 1:26-31
26 For
consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to
worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble
birth. 27 But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the
wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28 God
chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not,
to bring to nothing things that are, 29 so that
no human being might boast in the presence of God. 30 And
because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from
God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, 31 so
that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.”
John
14:15
If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
2
Corinthians 5:17-21
17 Therefore,
if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed
away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from
God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry
of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to
himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to
us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we
are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore
you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For
our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might
become the righteousness of God.
Isaiah
59:2
But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not
hear.
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